I am also saying the same thing, why don’t you believe me?

Too often I come across in discussions where the listener does not accept a view point from a person but accepts the same point when someone else says it.

Example: Targument-1299108_640.pnghere is a conversation in the team about ‘Is September a good time to travel to coorg’? Novi  says strongly that it is generally misty and rains a bit but not to the extent to spoil a good vacation. The others in the team quickly look up weather patterns in the internet and conclude what Novi said is not right, it is not easy to travel in rains to hill stations. Novi tries hard to convince about the previous visits but no one is in the mood to listen. At this point Ivon an avid traveller enters, looks at the argument and says Novi is right, it is a good time to travel. No one refutes, they agree to Ivon.

Why did they agree to Ivon but not Novi when both of them are saying the same thing?

Dave Gray explains in his work ‘Liminal Thinking‘ that we carry a lot of beliefs from what we observe from our experiences; we then keep validating that our beliefs are right by choosing only the relevant data from experiences that will validate our beliefs again and again in a vicious cycle. This vicious cycle creates a shortcut in our brains so that we directly map the experiences without a conscious thought to conclusions. The example I had given about Ivon and Novi are very small in impact compared to what we encounter every day.

What we perceive as ‘I am saying that the same thing as the other person, but they trust the other person’ is nothing but people’s mental model about us is different as they do not know what our experience has been. This is the reason that more the people in a group are willing to understand each other’s experiences and talk out loud about their beliefs and assumptions, the better they communicate.

The video below is a nice explanation on why our experiences shape our beliefs. The narrower our experiences are, the narrower our beliefs will be. If we are not able to communicate right, first we should expose our experience; no one will buy our beliefs. If we need to understand someone better, we should have had similar experiences that have created their beliefs or we should be exposed to their experiences by suspending our judgements.

Making everyone participate

In group discussions or design meetings it is tough to get everyone’s participation. The people in the group will have different experience levels, context & expertise which  puts shy people on the back-foot, as people always assume that someone will know better than them. Bystander effect also kicks in as soon as the number of people in the meeting increases beyond three and the ambiguity of the problem discussed increases.


We can address participation issues by considering these

Make the environment safe

Many people are shy and they fear judgement, if the environment encourages participation with commonly agreed rules like ‘no question is a bad question’ or ‘every input is valuable’ and people see it actively getting practiced will ease the burden on shy people. This works for small groups of 3-4 people, thinking aloud also begins to happen

Pass talking token around round-robin and time box talking time per person

There are people who love to talk and there is no starting trouble for them to talk, they will easily mask the hesitant ones in every discussion. An easy way to break this unfair advantage is to have a facilitator and a talking token passed round-robin for participation.

Make everyone write their ideas and opinions down 

Some people may easily get biased when they hear other’s opinion. It is due to the need to belong to a group and not sound different. If in a brainstorming session participants are given a quiet time and write down their thoughts, chances are high that people may put down what they think without rephrasing or rewording.

We can prevent bystander effect or people zoning out when we have someone playing the moderator role watching for signs and also time box discussions, thereby making meetings very productive and outcome based.

Stone soup

I read the story of stone soup when I was in primary school, I did not understand how someone made soup with a stone. It was too deep a concept to understand as a kid. It is about moving something from 0 to 1,  from then on there are plenty of ways and people to take care to take it forward.

running-498257_640Why is it hard to move something from 0 to 1? Our brains are hardwired to be anxiety neutral. It hates ambiguities and new things to do, that is why things like driving becomes a sub conscious activity by becoming motor memory, once we start driving often. On a day to day basis you can observe your tendency to be anxiety neutral, it may take up only 15 minutes a week to clean a table but it is too difficult to get started with it. When that thought is going on your mind, if someone starts cleaning it up, then you are more likely to join the task and get it done.

My last post was about getting started with something and getting people to join. The first person who does something new is perceived to be the lone nut, there is a fear of judgement that prevents people to start something. This was very evident in a aum meditation session where there were only few of us and we need to chant aum but every person was waiting for the other to start, I took the lead after the first two half hearted attempts by being the first person to start the chant and the rest followed.

There are two things needed for people to start doing new things,

  • Provide an environment which helps them to shed their fear of judgement
  • Be the lone nut and start something which someone else has in mind, it is for sure that someone will follow.

The first point is not easy to address but it is too easy to be someone who starts doing things to facilitate change. We should shed our fear of judgement and be okay to do something that will be criticised. The results are surprising, what might take days to nudge someone to do something from scratch is way too easy to make them pick up a rough draft and take it to completion. Making stone soup is not deception, it is a tool to help people come out of their anxiety neutrality.


Doing something as a group

Getting anything started in a group does not work easily. It often tests the patience of someone trying to introduce a change for good. Getting someone out of status quo is a tough one, then there is also a group mindset that someone will change first so wait until it happens. What really works is the one who wants to introduce the change, changes and finds some followers. If there is a big bang approach of getting everyone on board at once, it will be a big disappointment. Peter Senge talks about in his book ‘The fifth discipline’ as one of the laws – ‘The harder you push, the harder the system pushes back

We used to screen learning videos in our cafeteria every Friday lunch time at ThoughtWorks, one of those days I happened to watch this video below which reinforced the fact that success of an initiative depends on your followers. Getting the first few followers matters and takes time; the rest will fall in place. Watch this video to find out how one guy leads an entire group to dance but not until he gets two courageous followers. Till the time he got a follower, he was a lone nut dancing.



I was cruising down the highway around 110~120 kmph, though the car was capable of running at 150+ kmph I chose to keep it below 120 as the thought at the back of my mind always says it is not going to stop quickly or control the direction well in case I need to. When I am very sure that I have an open & straight road, I test the limits of the car, but will quickly pull back to manageable speeds when a turning comes in sight. During one of those high speed bursts of 160 kmph, a sports car overtook me. It did not just overtake, instead it zoomed past and disappeared out of sight. Enjoying speed was not much about the road, it was the control available in a vehicle for a driver. Sports cars don’t just go fast, they turn well, stop quickly and have lots of safety bits to protect occupants from a crash. You could ram a sports car at a high speed into a wall and walk away from the crash. If I use my passenger car downhill at 200 kmph (which I still can), that is insanity; it is not going fast.

It was when I had these thoughts that I stumbled on an article pointing out that developers who are eying for speed often compromise the safety aspects. In software development there are plenty of aspects to take care. In simple terms it is taking a problem and solving it using computers by people with various skill sets. You have analysts, developers, designers, operations etc. The very nature of different people getting involved means there is lots of communication, if there is lots of communication between people of different skill sets then there is translation loss. If there is translation loss then there will be misunderstanding and rework. If you need to rework often, then the speed at which you can code matters. If speed matters, then better be safe.

Test harness consisting of unit, integration and functional tests, static analysis, performance checks, automated deployments, coding practices all together form the safety package for software development. As the code base grows and the number of people increase the more important the safety checks become. It will always be tempting to avoid the process and get something out quickly but the price to pay will be bad. There is nothing prudent in crash landing.

Another aspect of speed that is also often compromised is sustainability. The common example given to agility and speed is Cheetah, Cheetahs can maintain its top speed only for about 90~120 seconds followed by a long dip in physical activities. Any activity that requires a spike in the output is followed by a dip. There is nothing called sustainable peak performance.

Violating safety or sustainability of speed removes control out of the equation, it makes sense only if we are crash worthy and have the energy and resources to get back to normal. Speed for the sake of speed will thrill and eventually kill.



Want the fruit, but don’t want to climb the tree

I observe a lot of things which seems analogous to – ‘feel entitled to pick the low hanging fruits but get frustrated a lot when there is hard work involved in picking the remaining fruits’. Growing distractions & instant gratifications have begun to tune us into thinking that if we are destined to land far and high and need to just get the right thing happening. Social media is also only a window of the highlights, nobody puts their tough paths to success thus creating frustration and envy.

Our best successes often come after our greatest disappointments.

If we look at some of the ads in the newspaper and tv, especially the weight loss related ones; they play according to the weakness of the people who want to get fit and look great but don’t want to eat right, exercise right and sleep well. A lot of people fall for it, for the promise of getting a lot for doing nothing.


Of course there are few entitled individuals who have a lot due to inheritance, but that is a small number. For a majority of us who have a success story to tell, the path would have always been tough. There is no overnight success, it takes time; we should put in our due efforts.

Regression towards the mean

I came across this sentence ‘Regression towards the mean’ in the book ‘The drunkard’s walk’. It means that if something bad, unusual or extraordinary happens then it mostly followed by an average acceptable one. It mentions that people are often fooled by this phenomenon, it gives a false sense of control over situations and outcomes. People think that rebuking someone for bad behaviour results in good behaviour, but according to statistics acceptable behaviour always follows bad behaviour irrespective of getting yelled at or not.

A flight instructor’s example is given, the flight instructor thinks that yelling at a pilot making a serious mistakes makes them fly the plane better next time and praising a pilot for a good flight results in a mediocre flight next time; so the instructors resort to only yelling and no praise, but studies show that irrespective of an instructor’s reaction the behaviour of the pilots always fluctuated, a good one was followed by an average one and a bad one was also followed by an average one.


This shows that we should learn to respond to situations than react to it, if there is something not acceptable it is better to express the impact on us and leave it, than to do something to make sure the person repents for the mistake. It is a tough habit to leave as rebuking and a good behaviour following is very much a positive reinforcement, but if achieved it creates a good atmosphere to allow natural fluctuations take its course without worrying too much about it.

Sharing Knowledge vs Learning Together

Knowledge of group learners grows multifold than lone learners. This is understood by many college students where group study is common. I as a student, part of a group, divided subjects among ourselves, study the reading materials, understand it, condense it and present it back to the group. In this way every one understood the crux of what is to be learnt in a short amount of time. Somewhere I read ‘the moment we get a job, we stop learning’. That is because, learning is a conscious activity and when we don’t learn together, it becomes too tough to continue learning and many just don’t learn anymore.


Majority of the books have some fluff, it is to comply with the publisher’s mandate for the thickness of the book to justify a price. It is difficult to sift through the pages and mine the wisdom we want from it. It takes time  and speed reading is not easy for a lot of people. In a group setting it is ideal to read a book, summarise the learnings and present it back to the group either as a summary or the application of the learnings. If it evokes enough curiosity, then people will make some time to read it in detail.

The above applies to videos, courses and any other learning form or material. What about the blogs, they are short, can we just forward the links? There are lots of ways in which we receive links; twitter, hacker news, reddit so on. If we merely forward the links that interests us to our groups, it has no bigger impact than people who have already subscribed to the feeds. What will be beneficial to people who receive our link would be, a short description of what it is, how did I apply (or can apply), why this would be beneficial, next steps if possible.

By making it easy for people to understand many topics in a condensed form, we improve the breadth of the knowledge of the whole group. If anyone is curious then they can deep dive for the depth in a particular subject. It is impossible to get out of date in a group that is continuously learning.

Birds that flock, seem to learn faster. They increase their chances to survive and evolve more quickly

Learning together requires effort, it won’t happen if we don’t do it consciously.

Micro Habits

Anyone who had taken a reliable public transport would have formed micro habits. The first time I am in a new place, taking a public transport to work is always an experiment. As few days pass, the onward connections and crowd patterns get clear and I do my optimisations. I learnt to cut down my travel time 15 minutes every day by always boarding the last coach in the train so that when I alight at my station the coach is always next to the staircase which connects me to the next platform; I quickly walk to the next platform and board the train waiting there. If I miss this train, the next connection was 15 minutes later. Even if the coach is crowded, I bear the discomfort for a while because I know I am going to catch my connection on time.

At work and home also lots of micro habits can be formed. As the name suggests, these are not big ones and often takes only a small effort to make it happen. The first requirement to form micro habits is to have a set routine. Wake up at the same time every day, leave for work at the same time every day, leave office at the same time every day. By having a set routine we tend to observe lots of things and we also reduce the variables, so the number of decisions that needs to be made on a day reduces, because the routine automates most of our decisions.

Micro habits should not be confused with micro optimisation. Micro optimisations are very small gains for a large effort. Micro habits end up in great gains in small timely efforts. All it takes is to have a discipline to follow a set routine, observe the surroundings and make those small adjustments. It may not be easy at first, but once we start practising it becomes part of our thoughts.

Small changes can produce big results…but the areas of highest leverage are often the least obvious.

– Peter Senge, The Fifth Discipline